Where There’s a Will, There’s a War
--
Choose Your Executor Carefully.
When a loved one passes without a will, it can wreak havoc in so many ways, not the least of which is family battles over assets.
When the deceased has the foresight to prepare a will, it is usually with two things in mind:
- Specify desires (burial/cremation, ceremony, location, targeted gifting) and
- Eliminate (or create!) strife over decisions
I was fingered as the executor for my parents estate some years ago and considered it quite an honor. I researched my responsibilities and learned that it is, at best, a double-edged banana (not quite as sharp as a sword).
This isn’t about me.
I don’ t know who needs to hear this (okay, I can think of at least ONE person, but that’ll wait a few paragraphs) but here is the singular role of the executor:
- Servant of the family (maybe, MAAAYBE “employee of the family”)
With the exception of anything explicitly called out in the will, the executor’s “benefit” is nothing more than a bit of ego-stroking and peace of mind that the job was done right.
What happens when the executor is uninterested in fulfilling their duties, however?
A tragedy struck our family over the weekend. We lost our father (my father-in-law). There is no surviving wife, and there are five children plus spouses.
Dad selected one of the five of them as his executor. Bravo to him for his foresight.
He chose his executor out of convenience. He chose the closest person to him physically who also happens to be the “least employed” (and least employable). The other brothers and sisters are business owners, fire or police, real-estate agents, and teachers.
Tim (not his real name, but I chose “TIM” because it stands for “This Is Mine”) works at a car dealership 3/4 time and spends the other 1/4 time drinking.
To be fair, Tim had the closest relationship to dad, as they are lifelong drinking buddies. Okay, that’s unfair. Dad gave up booze over a year ago. Tim took up the slack.
The will clearly states that “If my wife doesn’t survive me, I give such property in shares of substantially equal value to those of my children who survive me to be divided among them as they shall agree,” with provisions for lack of agreement and other legalese goodies.
It does not give the executor any additional assets. In this case, there isn’t even a payment for the executor (payment is common only if you hire someone…an idea looking more appealing with each day that goes by).
The executor cannot, for example, start giving Dad’s stuff away to his drinking buddies. “I know Dad would want you to have this,” he says.
Maybe he missed the “divided among them as they shall agree.” The executor (according to this will) isn’t granted the right to give away a single blade of grass without his siblings agreement.
If that agreement doesn’t come within 6 months from Dad’s death, that blade of grass gets sold, and the proceeds split.
The executor, being singled out, is also not “grieving harder than his siblings.” I would argue he’s grieving the easiest, having dulled his grief in alcohol.
“Now that he’s gone, you suddenly have love for Dad. You just want his money.”
Let’s ignore the fact that only one of the siblings needs the money (Tim, for those in the back row not paying attention, who is the only non-homeowner of the clan). The rest are somewhere between “that would be nice” and “$100,000 won’t impact our lifestyle.”
Me? I was shot down because the first thing I did was take photos of the valuables in his house. He has a shop and garage to be envied, and with his house empty the thought of theft or a fire tearing through there is a real (albeit unlikely) scenario.
As a firefighter, Dad lived with that scenario playing out in other people’s lives on a daily basis. We owe him no less than to be as vigilant over his assets in death as he was prepared in life.
I, however, was accused of being greedy and “casing the joint” for goods. (Let’s ignore the fact that with the money I could buy NEW stuff… but whatever).
Who would have thought this happens anywhere outside of television and B movies?
We want Dad to rest in peace, with his affairs in order. God knows he did his part. And you, Mister Executor? You are fucking up his one request of you.
When your time comes to select an executor, either buy one or choose the relative who is level-headed and interested in learning about the role.
Not your drinking buddy.
