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The Bane Of “Return to Office”: Pizza Parties
Have we learned nothing in the last two years?
No, I’m not complaining about replacing bonuses and pay raises for pizza parties, or other lame attempts by companies to make employees feel better without actually expending significant capital.
No, I’m talking about our inability as a society to select pizzas for a group of people, such as a “working lunch” or office birthday party.
First off, a caveat: My recommendation may only apply to my area. Wait. Who am I kidding? These rules are universal. Even if you live in the most remote part of Antarctica, these rules apply.
There is a simple formula for how to select pizzas:
Pizza Type — — — — — — — — — -Calculation
Pepperoni — — — — — — — — —-# People/2 (rounded up)
Cheese — — — — — — — — — — — # People/4 (rounded down)
Supreme — — — — — — — — — — # People/8 (rounded up)
Gluten Free Cheese — — — — — — # People/20 (rounded up)
Vegetarian — — — — — — — — — # People/40 (rounded down)
Other — — — — — — — — — — — -# N/A
This can easily be validated. All you need to do is hearken back to your last team pizza party and realize the Pepperoni always…
